(Note: Source Links in the Years)
- 2017: tumblr user thatsmoderatelyraven’s fluffy chicken makes a guest star appearance at the new president’s inauguration. “it’s been my life goal to meet you” says the president
- 2020: tumblr has tripled the amount of blogs registered. Every pun imaginable has been made, all photos of random things in rooms have been taken in HD format, all quotes have been said. There are no more recognizable url’s, even fahjtekysuleirdtyrzdsd and jiput4qwar8tgahwsf8g9bosdiv are taken. It is a dark time. The end is near.
- 2023: Arthur has just begun its 26th season
The new voice actor’s voice has become so squeaky that only Arthur fans’ dogs can hear him
- 2025: scientists are still scrambling to figure out what “zigazig ahh” is so that they can give the spice girls what they really really want
the spice girls are getting impatient
war is upon us
- 2053: a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg boots. ‘I was born in the wrong generation’ she sighs as she listens to taylor swift and cries over a one direction poster.
- 2066: physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets
- 2068: Sam Winchester is 85 years old. He begins to suffer severe heart problems caused by being old as heck. Dean gets in his motorized wheelchair and goes to the nearest crossroads at a speed of 3mph and trades his soul for Sam’s life. It is at this point that even the crossroads demons are beginning to worry about the Winchesters’ unhealthy codependency problems.
- 2088: there is only one tree left. the tree is cut down and used to make a newspaper with the headline No More Trees
- 2137: You open your tumblr profile, again after many years. You click on the message box. 1 message. You click on it.
‘Yes, same here! :)’
And you don’t know what it was referring to beacause you don’t have a freaking sent messages box.
- 3009: a group of humans listen to boom boom pow. when fergie says that she is so 3008 they all stand shocked and realise. fergie is now behind the times. fergie herself has become 2000 and late. this is unbelievable news to the humans. hours later the planet descends into war and chaos.
- 4000: 500 years after the last great war.
Humanity survives in small nomadic tribes.
One tribe has uncovered an ancient artifact from before the wars. They believe if they can solve its riddle, they may be able to unite humanity once more.
great. 2,000+ years into the future and still no Sherlock series 4
People who are younger than you but taller
People who are younger than you but better than you at something
People who are younger than you
Being turned into a llama
A LLAMA?! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!
I think this is my favourite post in the history of ever.
“I will give you an example of how race affects my life. I live in a place called Alpine, New Jersey. Live in Alpine, New Jersey, right? My house costs millions of dollars. [some whistles and cheers from the audience] Don’t hate the player, hate the game. In my neighborhood, there are four black people. Hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people? Well, there’s me, Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Eddie Murphy. Only black people in the whole neighborhood. So let’s break it down, let’s break it down: me, I’m a decent comedian. I’m a’ight. [applause] Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man who lives next door to me does for a living? He’s a fucking dentist! He ain’t the best dentist in the world…he ain’t going to the dental hall of fame…he don’t get plaques for getting rid of plaque. He’s just a yank-your-tooth-out dentist. See, the black man gotta fly to get to somethin’ the white man can walk to.” Chris Rock
Well, America in a nutshell
“The black man gotta fly to get somethin’ the white man can walk to.”
Last night I got up at 3 am to feed my cat. So I picked him up, noticed he was purring loudly, and thought in all seriousness:
"Very cat. Much purrs."
…then realized I may or may not spend too much time on this fucking website.
As your husband I feel I should inform you that you said that out loud.
OH MY GOD THAT’S EVEN WORSE
WAIT THERE ARW MARRIED COUPLES ON THIS WEBSITE!?
stepping in a puddle while wearing socks
You know you’ve been on tumblr far too damn long when this gif actually represents a feeling you empathize with
Robert Glenn, an inmate in the Special Housing Unit (SHU) at Corcoran State Prison in California killed two inmates while in prison. He believes these murders were justified because both men were convicted rapists, one of whom was accused of raping his sister from the age of 8 to 14.
I never thought I would admire a murder
Did you know that in most criminals frown upon rapists and molesters If they find out that they raped or molested a woman they usually treat them terribly like beating them up, or making them die. Criminals don’t even accept that.
Absolutely true, because if you think about it they have families and perhaps kids. If they find out you’re a child molester they are going to hate you.
Sometimes when child molesters go to jail, even the guards are lied to about what the molester did to go there. They sometimes make up a false crime to protect the molester from serious injury.
Ain’t it fucked up that even hardened criminals realise rape is fucking wrong no matter what, but there are some government officials that cannot?
that last fucking comment tho
So to get to 51% of the electorate the Republicans are going to have to pull some votes from previously offended demographics.
the greatest part of yesterdays episode. now wheres the womens part?
And that about sums it up.
JESSICA WILLIAMS IS EVERYTHING AND IF YOU DON’T LOVE HER YOU’RE WRONG.
I hope Jessica Williams stays around for a long time, like Samantha Bee. I LOVE her being a Daily Show Correspondent. LOVVVVEEEE.
God is dead and we killed him
This is the greatest knock knock joke in the history of all knock knocks jokes ever told, ever.
What do you want for Christmas?